Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
