Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
