i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
