Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
