You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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