my soul wont recognize me after tonight
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
