I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
