I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
