Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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