I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
