I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
