don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
