Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
