Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
