She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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