I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
