i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
