Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
