Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
