she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Can you bring me the toilet please
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
