just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
