Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
