i jhust puked up my retainher.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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