grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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