remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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