My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
