we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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