So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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