I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
They took my balls.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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