I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she told me i tasted like america
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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