so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
