i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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