if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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