Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
