Did you just see the Batmobile???
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
This toilet bowl is my home.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
