and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
