I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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