His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
time to smoke my breakfast
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
