HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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