No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
