I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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