She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
