I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
