Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
