you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dicks are not precious.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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