WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
