Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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