whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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