All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
