So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
