I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
