i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
