He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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