Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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