I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Randomize
